36 Replies Latest reply: Aug 28, 2013 12:50 PM by SnakeDoctor61 RSS

EviL EsKiMo's Glorious Thread Returns!

EviLEsKiMo

Oh, oo-o-oh, come on, ooh, yeah

Well I tried to tell you so (yes, I did)

But I guess you didn't know, as I said the story goes

Grass, now I got the flow

'Cos I knew it from the start

Grass, when you broke my legs

That I had to come again, and show you that I'm real

 

(You killed me good) all those times I said that I kill you

(You killed me good) yes, I tried, yes, I tried

(You killed me good) even though you know I'd die from you

(You killed me good) yes, I cried, yes, I cried

 

1-(Return of the Grass) it is

(Return of the Grass) come on

(Return of the Grass) oh my God

(You know that It'll be back) here It is

(Return of the Grass) once again

(Return of the Grass) pump up the world

(Return of the Grass) watch it flow

(You know that It'll be back) here It goes

 

So I'm back up in the game

Running things to keep my swing

Letting all the people know

That It's back to run the show

'Cos what It did, you know, was wrong

And all the nasty things It's done

So, Grass listen carefully

While I sing my throw-back song

 

(You killed me good) 'cos it said It'd never turn on me

(You killed me good) but It did, but It do

(You killed me good) all these pains It said I'd never feel

(You killed me good) but I do, but I do, do, do

 

2-(Return of the Grass) here it is

(Return of the Grass) hold on

(Return of the Grass) don't you know

(You know that It'll be back) here It goes

(Return of the Grass) oh little noob

(Return of the Grass) wants my M16

(Return of the Grass) up and down

(You know that It'll be back) round and round

(rpt 2, 1)

 

(You know that It'll be back) don't you know

 

(Return of the Grass) here it is

(Return of the Grass) hold on

(Return of the Grass) be strong

(You know that It'll be back) here It goes

(Return of the Grass) my little noob

(Return of the Grass) wants my M16

(Return of the Grass) up and down

(You know that It'll be back) round and round

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ____________

 

 

The Grass, the Grass, the Grass is on fire

The Grass, the Grass, the Grass is on fire

We don't need no water, let the motherfuhker burn

Burn motherfuhker, burn! [3x]

 

Burn burn burn, motherfuhker! [3x]

Burn motherfuhker, burn!

 

The Grass, the Grass, the Grass is on fire

 

Motherfuhk-fuhk!

 

The Grass is on fire!

 

Burn motherfuhker, burn!

 

The Grass, the Grass, the Grass is on fire

The Grass, the Grass, the Grass is on fire

We don't need no water, let the motherfuhker burn

Burn motherfuhker, burn! [3x]

 

The Grass is on fire!

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ____________

 

 

I can see clearly now, the grass is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my lawn

Gone are the dark blades that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)

Sun-Shiny day.

 

I think I can make it now, the grass is gone

All of the bad clippings have disappeared

Here is the Taco I've been praying for

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)

Sun-Shiny day.

 

Look all around, there's nothing but bare ground

Look straight ahead, nothing but bare ground

 

I can see clearly now, the grass is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my lawn

Gone are the dark blades that had me blind

It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)

Sun-Shiny day.

 

 

dedicated to Snakedocter

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ____________

 

 

Everybody was Taco Eating

Those teeth were fast as lightning

In fact, it was a little bit frightening

But they ate with expert timing

 

There where funky GRaS men from funky OT Town

They were chopping them up

They were chopping them down

It's an ancient GRaSser art

And everybody knew their part

From a faint into a slip

And a kickin' from the hip

Everybody was Taco Eating

Those teeth were fast as lightning

In fact it was a little bit frightening

But they ate with expert timing

 

There was funky Ragius King and little SoylentBob

He said, here comes the big boss, let's get it on

We took the bow and made a stand

Started eating with the hand

The sudden motion made me skip

Now we're into a brand new trip

 

Everybody was Taco Eating

Those teeth were fast as lightning

In fact it was a little bit frightening

But they did it with expert timing

 

(pause)

 

keep on, keep on, keep on

Sure enough

Everybody was Taco Eating

Those teeth were fast as lightning

In fact it was a little bit frightening

Make sure you have expert timing

Taco Eating, has to be fast as lightning...

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ____________

 

 

We're no strangers to Grass

You know the rules and so do I

A full magazine's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

 

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

 

Always gonna shoot you up

Always gonna put you down

Always gonna run around and knife you

Always gonna make you die

Always gonna say goodbye

Always gonna tell a lie and burn you

 

We've known each other for so long

Your legs been aching

But you're too dead to say it

Inside we both know what's been going on

We know the game and we're gonna play it

 

And if you ask me how I'm feeling

Don't tell me you're too blind to see

 

Always gonna shoot you up

Always gonna put you down

Always gonna run around and knife you

Always gonna make you die

Always gonna say goodbye

Always gonna tell a lie and burn you

 

Repeat Chorus

 

Shoot you up, shoot you up

Shoot you up, shoot you up

Always gonna shoot,

Always gonna shoot, shoot you up

Always gonna shoot,

Always gonna shoot, shoot you up

 

Last four lines repeated

 

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

 

You've been EviL Roll'd

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ __________

 

 

EviL is on the prowl

Looking for a kill

Just throw in the towel

Or your blood is going to spill

Lying on the ground

Body parts everywhere

Dead without a sound

And we don't even care

People flee from us

Animals cower in fear

EviL is notorious

For drinking, shooting beer

PETA has a warrant

But they can suck it

Rhymes flood like a torrent

Grab a kitteh and chuck it

Soybob is a genius

Snake is so old

Reaper is an extremist

The snubbed dude is bold

This is our crew

The ever present GraS clan

Our flames got you wondering what to do

Oops we just got another ban

Ragius is the leader

Who created the EPIC Grass Thread

Jinx plays with a weeder

While JS lies on another bed

There are many more of us

That we haven't mentioned

This thread is just glorious

And EviL is just demented

Here we end this little ditty

Leave you wanting more

This thing wasn't at all pretty

But at least it was filled with gore

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ _________________

 

 

Now this is a story all about how

our life got flipped-turned upside down

And we'd like to take a minute just sit right there

And tell you how we became the EviLs of the Off Topic Lair

 

[verse 2]

In west Alaska born and raised

On the tundra is where we spent most of our days

Going out huntin, shootin all the fools

And out killing some seals outside of the "pool";

When a couple of guys who were from PETA

Started making trouble thinkin they were betta'

we got in one lil fight and everyone got scared

And said "You're moving in with EviL, and EviL over there"

we begged and pleaded with them everyday

But they packed our bikinis and sent us on our way

they gave us a kitteh and then gave us our ticket

we put our suits on and said we might as well kick it

[verse 3]

First thread yo this is bad

Drinking seal blood out of a champagne glass

Is this what the people of Off-Topic living like?

Hmm this might be alright

But wait we hear flames, name-calling and all that

Is this the type of place they should send this cool cat

we don't think, we'll see when we get there

we hope they're prepared for the EviLs of Alaska to come near

[verse 4]

Well ah the plane landed and when we came out

There was a dude that looked like a cop standing there with our name

out

we're not trying to get arrested yet, we just got here

we sprang with the quickness like lightning disappeared

we whistled for a cab and when it came near

The license plate said TROLL and it had heads in the mirror

If anything we can say this cab was rare

But thought naw forget it yo homes to the Off-Topic Lair!

 

[verse 5]

we pulled up to the mansion about 6 or 7

And I yelled to the cabby "Yo this place looks like heaven!"

we looked at our kingdom we were finally there

To sit on our throne as EviL of the Off-Topic Lair

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ______________

 

 

Sprinkle, Sprinkle, on a Taco

Some ingredient, what is it?

Is it thyme, is it choco?

Doesn't matter you'll eat it

 

Sprinkle, Sprinkle-

 

SnakeDoc yells at EsKiMo to get off his lawn

 

stupid old man and his stupid old lawn

 

AREN'T YOU SENILE YET!?

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ __________________

 

 

Every body stops

And stares at me

These two tacos are

Gone as you can see

I don't know just who

To blame for this catastrophe!

But my one wish on Christmas Eve

Is as plain as it can be!

 

All I want for Christmas

Is my two tacos,

My two tacos,

See my two tacos!

 

Gee, if I could only

Have my two tacos,

Then I could with you

"Merry Christmas."

It seems so long since I could say,

"Gee these tacos are so delicious!"

 

Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,

If I could only taco (thhhh)

 

All I want for Christmas

Is my two tacos,

My two tacos,

See my two tacos.

Gee, if I could only

Have my two tacos,

Then I could wish you

"Merry Christmas!"

 

reposted to this thread for it is glorious

 

exactly, it belongs in the Glorious Thread of EviL!

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ _____________________

 

 

we're dreaming of a bloody Christmas

Just like the ones we always show

Where the treetops glisten,

and people listen

To hear kitteh yowls in the snow

 

we're dreaming of a bloody Christmas

With every Christmas card we write

May your days be scary and blight

And may all your Christmases be plight

 

we're dreaming of a bloody Christmas

With every Christmas card we write

May your days be scary and blight

And may all your Christmases be plight

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ___________________

 

 

Release a cannon shot

Release a cannon shot

Properly kill all kittehs dead

 

Release a cannon shot

Release a cannon shot

Release a cannon shot

Properly kill all kittehs dead

 

we wanna wish you a bloody Christmas

we wanna wish you a bloody Christmas

we wanna wish you a bloody Christmas

From the cannon on our ship

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ _____

 

 

We have the cannon

No one wants to fight

Noobs cry "BAN'EM!"

No one has the right

Cause we take no shit

We accept no lies

We don't get hit

Everyone dies

We are EviL, we are many

We shoot kittehs, beer

We shoot our enemies

There's nothing we fear

If you try to run or hide

Our cannon will find

Those that anger us

Those that try to blind

Cause we're dangerous

And EviL never misses

EviL loads like a demon

Last thing you hear are hisses

Everyone is screamin

Blood is everywhere

Maggots crawling around

Shots come out of nowhere

And you're dead in the ground

We are EviL, we are many

We shoot kittehs, beer

We shoot our enemies

There's nothing we fear

Looking trying to find

You won't see it

It will blow your mind

And you won't believe it

PETA tries to stop us

But they won't succeed

Cause we're ludicrous

We make everything bleed

EviL wears a fur-lined bikini

Running laughing hysterically

Even drinks a blood martini

Posing threads so lyrically

It's so fresh this you can see

EviL is the one everyone wants to be

 

 

song is unfinished

 

its an original by EviL, not a parody of any song by anyone

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ _______________

 

 

Kill Kill Noobies

Kill Kill Noobies

All right stop calibrate this invention

EviL is back with a brand new submission

Something shoots at you quickly

Fast like a kitteh speedy and prickly

Will it ever stop yo we don't know

Turn off the lights and you know

To the extreme we shoot like a criminal

all we know is the damage won't be minimal

Panic run as you hear the cannon boom

we're killing animals bringing their doom

Deadly when we get moody and angry

Anything less no one will ever see

Love it or leave it you better hope and pray

You better hit bull's eye EviL don't play

If there was a problem yo we'll solve it

Check out the spear while EviL reveals it

 

EviL, Kill Kill Noobies, EviL, Kill Kill Noobies

EviL, Kill Kill Noobies, EviL, Kill Kill Noobies

 

Now that the people are panicking

Run from the cannon, the EviLs are drinking

Quick to shoot, the cannon always loading

Shooting kittehs like a man always gloating

Shootin' 'em if you aren't quick and limber

we go crazy when we hear a whimper

And a loud splat from a kitteh ejected

we're on a roll, it's time to get wasted

Rollin' in our 5.0

With the rag top down so our hair can blow

The trawlers on standby, Waving just to say DIE!

Did you stop? No -- we just drove by

Kept on pursuing the next victim

we busted a left and we're heading through the system

The place was destroyed

Yo so we continued to 101 Black Ops Forum

EviL is hot wearing a fur-lined bikini

SoyentBob sipping on a martini

Satisfied, cause he just proved a flaw

Snake with a gauge and Reaper with a java

Flaming the noobs on the site

The noobs acting ill because their threads are never right

******** comes out like a turd

we grabbed the cannon heard the noobs get stirred

Running away from us real fast

Jumped in the boat slammed on the gas

Topic to topic the forum is packed

we're trying to get away before the mod gets back

Admins on the scene you know what we mean

They passed us up confronted all the noob fiends

If there was a problem yo we'll solve it

Check out the spear while EviL reveals it

 

EviL, Kill Kill Noobies, EviL, Kill Kill Noobies

EviL, Kill Kill Noobies, EviL, Kill Kill Noobies

 

Take heed 'cause we're a bloody lunatic

Krawl's on the scene just in case you didn't know it

Our crew that created the GRaS clan

Always around taking it to the man

'Cause our style's like a chemical spill

Awesome threads that you can read and feel

Conducted and formed

This is a hell of a concept

We make it hype and you want to step with this

Snake stays on the lawn old like a dinosaur

ages so fast other old men say damn

If our rhyme was a drug we'd sell it by the gram

Keep our composure when it's time to get loose

Magnetized by the blood while we slip a noose

If there was a problem yo we'll solve it

Check out the spear while EviL reveals it

 

EviL, Kill Kill Noobies, EviL, Kill Kill Noobies

EviL, Kill Kill Noobies, EviL, Kill Kill Noobies

 

Hey Jinx let's get out of here, word to your sister

 

Kill Kill Noobies Too Cold Kill Kill Noobies Too Cold

Kill Kill Noobies Too Cold, Too Cold, Kill Kill Noobies Too Cold

 

_______________________________________________________________________________ ____________________

 

 

It's a little past supper time

we're still out on the front porch

Sittin on our behind, waiting for it

Wondering if everything was put on

Snake said come in men don't waste your time

we said we got time he'll be here soon

we were five years old and talkin to ourselves

Where were you? Where'd ya go?

Ragius can't you tell?

we're not tryin to fake it

And we ain't the one to blame

No there's no one online

In the lawn of pain

Weren't we worth the time

A troll needs a leader like dance to mime

And all the time we looked up to you

we trolled the forum a million times

And all we ever got was a lot of big fish

The same old lie

How could you?

 

we were eighteen and still talking to ourself

Where were you? Where'd you go?

Ragius can't ya tell?

we're not tryin to fake it

And we ain't the one to blame

No there's no one online

In the lawn of pain

we're not tryin to fake it

And we ain't the one to blame

No there's no one online

In the lawn of pain

we didn't write these pages

And our post's been rearranged

No there's no one online

In our lawn of pain

If we learned anything from this

It's how to eat a taco!

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - ---------------------------------

 

It's the inevitable return of the EviL ones

coming right in your face with another song

you can't leave until we're done

think you can ignore us?  we're here to say your wrong!

 

we're everywhere and there is no escape

there is no place that you can hide

our hits and rhymes no one can take

as we take your minds for a ride

 

yes we'll show you the moon landings not real

and some country around is just a fake

with all of this you can't even deal

your whole mind and body is going to shake

 

people try to fight us but they always lose

their arguments never proven right

with us you should always choose

or you will have a fight

 

there's SoyBob, snake and voidy too

Reaper, Ragius, MaTtKs, and Picture

There's many more to our crew

but it would just turn into a lecture

 

the rest of you just have to remember this

you can't fuhk with the GRaS

every try you're just going to miss

cause if you do, that'll be your ass!

_______________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________

 

This song has been written by Reaper, Evil, MajorRod and Eskimo. We would also like to thank Horrorman for his support during the making. (Scroll to the bottom to get the full song)

 

On the first day of Christmas this Forum gave to me, An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat.

 

On the second day of christmas this forum gave to me, two noobs a crying and an Eskimo with a bag of seal meat.

 

On the third day of christmas this forum gave to me, 3 wasted moments, two noobs a crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the fourth day of christmas this forum gave to me, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the fifth day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the sixth day of christmas this forum gave to me, 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the seventh day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 7 kittehz a meowing , 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat.

 

On the eighth day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 8 ghillies a hiding, 7 kittehz a meowing , 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat.

 

On the ninth day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 9 Stewy screen names, 8 ghillies a hiding, 7 kittehz a meowing , 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the tenth day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 10 MW2 threads, 9 Stewy screen names, 8 ghillies a hiding, 7 kittehz a meowing , 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 11 tacos eaten, 10 MW2 threads, 9 Stewy screen names, 8 ghillies a hiding, 7 kittehz a meowing , 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas this forum gave to me, 12 beers a flowing, 11 tacos eaten, 10 MW2 threads, 9 Stewy screen names, 8 ghillies a hiding, 7 kittehz a meowing , 6 fur-lined bikinis, 5 EPIC FAILZ!, 4 seals clapping, 3 wasted moments, two noobs crying and An Eskimo with a bag of seal meat

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------

New addition to thread thanks to SnakeDoctor.

 

 

T'was the night before Christmas, and all through the land

No creatures were stirring, not even - Gras Clan.

The threads were posted in Off Topic with care,

In hopes that noobs, soon would post there.

 

The Gras Clan were nestled all snug in their bunks,

With visions of Jinx's Sister and junk in her trunk.

Evil at the Beer cannon, and Reaper in chaps,

Had just tried to post pics, of LOLZ cats.

 

When out on the trawler there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bunk to see what was the matter.

Away to the porthole I flew like a fish,

Tore open the shutters and puked in a dish.

 

Cheap beer and ham sandwiches on the deck below

upchucking and flaming from the forums' best trolls.

There on the ocean on waves in a row

sailed a miniature trawler, and eight tiny trolls.

 

With a little old driver, as bald as a rock,

I knew in a moment it must be Snake Doc.

More rapid than fish his minions they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

 

"Now Sixer! now, Reaper! now, Jinx and Void!

On, Evil! On, Evil! on, Jinx's Sis and SoyBob!

To the top of the forum! to the top of the wall!

Now flame away! Flame away! Flame away all!"

 

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old troll,

And I laughed when I saw him, there goes my sole!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know he had hijacked this thread.

 

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

He flamed all the noobs' called them a jerk.

Jinx running, without any clothes,*

gave us the finger, up the smoke stack he rose!

 

Snake sprang to his trawler, to his team gave a beer,

And away they all flew with nothing to fear.

But I heard him exclaim, as they flamed through the night,

"Happy flaming to all, and to all a good-night!"

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------

 

The grass came back the very next game

Oh the grass came back thought it was a goner

But the grass came back it wouldn't stay away

Don't you know the grass came back

 

we like it so much better when it's down on its roots

Cause when it's in our face that's when we're starting to see

That all our friends are laughing thinking that we belong

Well it's so fuhking stupid that its growing long

 

The trouble with grass is they're all the same

Forget the diamonds and pearls they just want to grow

Before you know it you're like a dog on a leash

Well you can try and change the world but you won't change me

 

The grass came back the very next game

Oh the grass came back thought it was a goner

But the grass came back it wouldn't stay away

Don't you know the grass came back

 

There it goes again just always breaking our balls

No matter what we do somehow its always our fault

it says we must be cheating cause we turned off our game

But that's the only frickin way it'll leave us alone

 

The trouble with grass is its never enough

Love to complain and it never dries up

Like to tell you the way it ought to be

 

Go on and tell the world just don't tell us

 

The grass came back the very next game

Oh the grass came back thought it was a goner

But the grass came back it wouldn't stay away

Don't you know the grass came back

 

It ain't a joke when we say we wanna burn it out

(we really mean it) (we really mean it)

Well look who's laughing now

The grass came, the grass came back

The grass came, the grass came back

The grass came, the grass came back

it just wouldn't stay away

 

The grass came back the very next game

Oh the grass came back thought it was a goner

But the grass came back it wouldn't stay the fuhk away

 

The grass came back the very next game

Oh the grass came back thought it was a goner

But the grass came back it wouldn't stay away

Don't you know the grass came back

 

The grass came back the very next game

Oh the grass came back thought it was a goner

But the grass came back it wouldn't stay away

Don't you know the grass came back

 

as requested by craftyshot