On a more serious note:
ACR kick silencer: The best assault rifle for actually moving.
Even better in hardcore.
MP7: Best SMG for varied short and long range combat, large magazine.
PP90M1: Best SMG for short range combat.
P90: Largest magazine for an SMG, good for that reason alone.
MSR: Best sniper rifle
RSASS: Best low damage spammable sniper rifle
Dragunov: Best low damage precision sniper rifle (Patched <3)