Anyone got some funny jokes?

Black Ops forum

BayronIsGodly wrote:

 

a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants the bartender asks what it is the guy replies i dont know but its driving me crazy







its driving me nutz !!! not driving me crazy





o.k 2 1 i posted b4 in another thread n a new 1



a bloke goes to the docs n asks him has anything u ever come accross made u burst out laughing, any ailment or dissability???



"no" the doc replies i have been a doctor for 43 years and i am professional in every manner of my job..



so the bloke drops his pants revealing the smallest cxck the doctor has ever seen,



anyways the doc bursts out laughing and rolls around on the floor crying with laughter and after a few moments gets himself back together and asks..."what seems to be the problem"



and the guy replies with a reddened face .."its bloody swollen"







another old guy goes to the docs at 83 years old, and is complaining of not being able to piss all day but as soon as he gets in bed he cant stop and wets himself every night,



so the doc runs a load of tests and finds nothing wrong, and tells the old guy that theres only 1 more test he can do and he needs a sperm sample...



n they guy asks "at my age is that really needed" and the doc tells him he has to test everything and anything to make sure he has covered everything, and gives this guy a little sample pot to fill, and return the following week,



anyway a weeek goes by and the old guy comes back with an empty pot, n the doc asks well did u have trouble...



and the guy says..."yeah i tried with 1 hand then i tried with 2.. the wife tried with 1 hand and then with 2, i asked my next door neighbour for help and she tried with both hands. then i asked this pretty blonde down the road and she even tried with her mouth... and we still couldnt get the bloody lid of the pot"
mephistophelez9
Likes: 0
Posts: 863
Registered: ‎10-04-2009
WHAT DO U GET IF U PUT UR HANDS DOWN A FORTUNE TELLERS KNICKERZ

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UR PALMS RED EVERY 28 DAYS
mephistophelez9
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Posts: 863
Registered: ‎10-04-2009
Ok here is one...



Have you heard about the Aggie standing at the stop sign?



















































He is still standing there waiting for it to change to "Go."
ConceptGT
Likes: 1
Posts: 920
Registered: ‎09-09-2008
I've got swine Flu!













It's coming out in rashers.
Pbjb989
Likes: 1
Posts: 500
Registered: ‎11-03-2009
Two men are hunting in the forest when they come across a grizzly bear. The bear starts to chase the two men, and one of the men pulls his running shoes out of his backpack and quickly puts them on. His buddy asks, why are you putting those on, you're never going to outrun that bear. Then the man says, I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun you.
MR_Mike
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Posts: 11
Registered: ‎29-08-2008
HOW DO YOU KEEP HELEN KELLER FROM TELLING YOUR SECRETS?

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YOU BREAK THE (insert synonym for female dog) HANDS!!!
deathbatSOLDIER
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Posts: 234
Registered: ‎15-03-2009
OK i have like no good jokes....... but im cracking up at these







But i will say this one.



So a woman dies and she goes to the gates of heaven. At the gates of heaven, St. Peter is standing there. When the woman gets to the gates, Peter says "I will let you in if you can spell the word, love". So the woman replies "L-O-V-E.". Peter lets her in.



A few years later, Peter tells the woman the he is busy and that if anyone arrives at the gates of heaven, she must ask them to spell love.



As she walks to the gates, she sees her husband. She asks him, "How has it been since I have died?". Her husband replies "Oh! Its been great! I married your nurse and just now, i crashed the car we were driving, so here I am. So, how do I get in."



"You have to spell the word."



"What word?"



"Czechoslovachia"
ABEaglesfan
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Posts: 203
Registered: ‎14-10-2008
Highlighted
How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?





Just one but it takes a really long time and the light bulb has to really want to change.
VonKriegerstien
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Posts: 392
Registered: ‎24-11-2008

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