Anyone got some funny jokes?

Black Ops forum

gotta joke?

im looking for a knee slapper

i got some...



what do you call a blonde with pig tails

a b.j. with handle bars!





your mom is like 7-11

you can find her on any steet corner, open all night, and for 79 cents you can get a slurpie!
TriickZ-
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Registered: ‎23-11-2008
77 REPLIES 77
hree blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..."

"Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter.

He turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question: "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place. She is not welcome in Heaven.

He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is"?

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiled broadly with delight.

The third blonde continued. "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
L3VIATH4N
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Posts: 592
Registered: ‎22-06-2008
my favorite of all time:









What's the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus??????????

































it only takes one nail to hang the picture....
hated_AK
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Posts: 3
Registered: ‎02-12-2008

L3VIATH4N wrote:

 

hree blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?

The first blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..."

"Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter.

He turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question: "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she's wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place. She is not welcome in Heaven.

He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is"?

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiled broadly with delight.

The third blonde continued. "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."





How can you tell L3VIATH4N cut and pasted script...^^^



Why won't they let Hellen Keller drive?



....She's a woman!

JINX_1391
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Posts: 1255
Registered: ‎23-06-2008
Your mom is a good enough joke in itself. lmao.
that_one_chick
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Posts: 4
Registered: ‎01-12-2008
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar getting bored, so they decide to play twenty questions.



The first Canadian tries to think of a subject for his friend to guess and, after a little pondering, comes up with "moose penis." He tells his friend he's ready to play.



"OK," says the second Canadian. "Is it something good to eat?"



The first Canadian thinks for a moment, then laughs and replies, "Sure, I guess you could eat it."



The second Canadian says, "Is it a moose penis?"
Snakedoctor59
Likes: 3
Posts: 2956
Registered: ‎01-08-2008

Snakedoctor59 wrote:

 

Two Canadians are sitting in a bar getting bored, so they decide to play twenty questions.



The first Canadian tries to think of a subject for his friend to guess and, after a little pondering, comes up with "moose penis." He tells his friend he's ready to play.



"OK," says the second Canadian. "Is it something good to eat?"



The first Canadian thinks for a moment, then laughs and replies, "Sure, I guess you could eat it."



The second Canadian says, "Is it a moose penis?"







LMAO. I think I'll stick that one in my back pocket for a random out of the blue joke. lol





So a duck walks into a general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any grwapes?"

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

Next day, duck comes back to the general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any grwapes?"

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

Third day, duck comes to the general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any grwapes?"

The clerk, frustrated, says "No, but if you come in here and ask one more time, I'm going to staple your feet to the floor."

Next day, the duck comes in to the general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any staples?"

The clerk replies "No."

The duck replies "You got any grwapes?"
that_one_chick
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Posts: 4
Registered: ‎01-12-2008
What do you do with an elephant with three balls?



Walk him, and pitch to the Rhino.
JINX_1391
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Posts: 1255
Registered: ‎23-06-2008

that_one_chick wrote:

 





So a duck walks into a general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any grwapes?"

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

Next day, duck comes back to the general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any grwapes?"

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

Third day, duck comes to the general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any grwapes?"

The clerk, frustrated, says "No, but if you come in here and ask one more time, I'm going to staple your feet to the floor."

Next day, the duck comes in to the general store and asks the clerk, "Hey, you got any staples?"

The clerk replies "No."

The duck replies "You got any grwapes?"







Ok, that makes ya chuckle
Snakedoctor59
Likes: 3
Posts: 2956
Registered: ‎01-08-2008

JINX_1391 wrote:

 

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?



Walk him, and pitch to the Rhino.







sadly....i had to think that one through...
hated_AK
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Posts: 3
Registered: ‎02-12-2008

Studios