Anyone got some funny jokes?

Black Ops forum

Whats worse than 10 dead babies nailed to 1 tree?





1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees
tc3054
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Posts: 66
Registered: ‎04-03-2009

tc3054 wrote:

 

Whats worse than 10 dead babies nailed to 1 tree?





1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees





hahaha heared that b4 but it was "in dustbins"





anyways





2 old blokes playing golf at the 16th hole n a funeral procession goes by, n one of the old gits takes off his hat n lowers his head in respect for the dead...



and the other bloke turns to him n says "in all these years Fred thats the first time i ever seen u show any kind or respect to any 1"



"yeah" he replies "but i was married to her for 30 years"
mephistophelez9
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Registered: ‎10-04-2009
a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants the bartender asks what it is the guy replies i dont know but its driving me crazy
BayronIsGodly
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Registered: ‎02-05-2009

tc3054 wrote:

 

Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man?



Leave the plunger in the toilet

DOUBLE post
getoutofmyhouse
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Posts: 1911
Registered: ‎10-08-2011

BayronIsGodly wrote:

 

a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants the bartender asks what it is the guy replies i dont know but its driving me crazy



Oh god that's cheesy .

Here is one!

  • A farmer hired two men to work in his farms because he was getting old..
  • He told the men what they were to do and explained in detail for some time.. Once he was done he finished his speech with one last rule.
  • He told them they were not to eat any of his fruits or vegi's while they were working.
  • So the men nodded and got straight to work.
  • They finished working for the day and the farmer asked them if they ate any fruits..
  • The men felt guilty and confessed to eating some fruit when they got hungry.
  • The farmer was angry and told them to pick out ten of their favourite fruit or vegis.
  • The men were astonished! This was more like a reward then a punishment.
  • So the first man came with 10 berries and the farmer told him he was to shove them up his nose one by one.
  • He was very upset but he knew that he had done wrong and proceeded to shove the berries up his nose...1....2....3....4....5...
  • The man started laughing hysterically after the 5th berry.
  • So the farmer asked "What is so funny"
  • And he said "The other guy is out there picking watermelons!"

SomeRandom
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Posts: 2117
Registered: ‎13-11-2008
A farmer wanted a big pig.

He cloggs the pigs arse with a cork

the pig grows and grows, but cant go.

when the farmer fears and explosion of teh deuce he trains a monkey

the monkeys mission- pull the cork

when the day came, the monkey had a proud look

he took out the cork

the pig is blasted away, flying through the air with a trail of waste



Two nearby farmers saw the disaster

The first one asked- "what did you see?"

The second one responded " miles upon miles of sheeate!"

Then the secon one aksed "what did you see?"

the first one reponded "all i saw was that poor monkey trying to put the cork back in"
daHawk1
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Posts: 10019
Registered: ‎12-09-2008
Here's one I heard a while back!



There were 4 people on an airplane that was about to crash: A Lawyer, A Dentist, An Old Monk, and a Young Child. But, there are only 3 parachutes.



The dentist says, "I protect and clean the teeth of hundreds of people a week, I should take a parachute to safety!" And he takes a parachute and jumps.



The lawyer says, "I am incredibly intelligent with a masters degree, I see the tiniest details in the littlest things! I should take a parachute down!" And he takes a parachute and jumps.



The monk says, "I have lived my life well and will go down with no regrets. You take the parachute and jump, child."



The child says, "Oh, don't worry! The lawyer took my backpack, not a parachute!"
WildWargasm
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Posts: 120
Registered: ‎25-02-2009
Whats the difference between a catholic priest and achne ?Achne waits until after you turn 12 to come on your face!
Devil_Jay_Cry
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Posts: 155
Registered: ‎19-04-2009
This is a "little" racist so dont any jews or blacks read it.

















Whats the worst thing about being a black jew?



You have to sit in the back of the oven!
eskimo_bob
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Posts: 10
Registered: ‎22-02-2009
2 jokes:



A man in a bar walks up to the bartender and says,

"I'll bet you a thousand dollars, that you can put a shot glass on one side of the bar, and I'll piss from the other side of the bar and not a drop of my piss will miss the glass." The bartender, being very sensible, took the bet. So he placed a shot glass on one end of the bar, and the man went to the other side, and started to urinate; with piss going everywhere, except into the glass.

The bartender starts jumping around, excited that he just won $1000. He then notices the man jumping around, celebrating as well. The bartender asks him,

"Why are you so happy? You lost the bet!" To which the man replies,

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter, because I bet my buddy $5000 that I would piss all over your bar and make you jump and celebrate!"









People used to say that a black man would be elected president of the US when pigs would fly.



Now 100 days later, it's coming true!
HornetFb98
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Posts: 28
Registered: ‎05-03-2009

Studios