"Nobody dropped that money. The game drops it as a bonus."
"No! I can't get the Venom-x! Dude, I'm already carrying an M27!"
Me: "I'm not saying you're stupid, I'm just making some suggestions based on our 100 plus escapes and your zero escapes. Why are you being such a jerk about it?"
Dude: "I know what I'm doing."
My friend: "Hey, is she like, you're girlfriend?"
Dude: "Uh, (lowers voice) yeah, kinda"
Me: "Oh. Now I understand why you're being so stubborn."
Me: *Gets Paralyzer from the box*
Kid: Leave it! I want it!
Me: You can't take other people's box weapons.
Kid: No, let it go back into the box. I want it soooo bad.
Me: *Takes Paralyzer (NFG about the situation)*
Kid: Woooooow Dooooood!! You better get rid of it or I'll leave!
Me: You'll leave?
Kid: Yeah, and I'll hack you!
Me: Uh-Oh. I don't want that. *Hit the box again and pretend to put the paralyzer back, but I don't.*
Kid: (Twenty(ish) box hits later) I can't pull it. I think this game is glitched.
I had my own stupid things said moment last night while playing with the wifey.
I kept switching from my SOFLAM to my SMG and every time I pulled the trigger, it would switch back to the SOFLAM. I was trying to shoot a propane tank on a barrier hive. I didn't want to waste the SOFLAM until I'd gone through all the propane tanks.
Unable to shoot the propane tank with my SMG, I finally yelled out, "What the f**k?!"
My wife then said, "Are you sure you don't need me to throw down some ammo?"
Right. My SMG was out of ammo. Derp.
Got some new ones ...
Me -"Hey, CODer Jr., would you mind changing your ammo out to incendiary? And, also, if you don't mind, run Armor instead of Team Explosives."
CODer Jr. - No way. How come you're telling me what to do but you haven't told Big Time POCer what to do?"
Me - Um, well, he's got a hundred and fifty platinum finishes on Point of Contact. You have zero.
CODer Jr - So?
Here's another one that highlights the utility of checking the stats of everyone in the lobby ...
PeeWee - Yeah, and we don't ever go down. Do you guys ever remember going down in that last match? I don't think we went down one time in the last match.
Me & Bro (simultaneously) - WE never did go down. YOU went down seven times. But whose counting, right?
PeeWee - See?! I told you. We're good! And man we killed ... man, it must have been a thousand crepids! You came to the right lobby. We know how to do this. And get a Platimum [that's right, a "plati Mum"] completion!
... PeeWee had 87 kills and 7 downs. Me & Bro did not get a combined 1000 kills, it was more around 800.
However, it got better later in the match ...
PW Sidekick - Okay you guys, I know how to do the nuke. Just follow me and do it just like I say and we'll be able to escape. I watched the whole thing on YouTube!
Me & Bro (simultaneously ... again) - We've still got two more hives to destroy.
PW Sidekick - We do? Oh.
... and then later PeeWee had a few more reflections of wisdom ...
PeeWee - See! I told you we're good! We killed even more this time!
Bro - Yeah, you got 90 of them all by yourself!
PeeWee - I felt like I was killing a lot more of them this time.
Me - Yeah, that's a pretty big improvement there, jumping from 87 crepids killed to freaking 90.
PW Sidekick - Man, PeeWee, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about. Bro got more kills than nuttin 2 say and nuttin killed more than twice as many crepids as you and me together.
Bro - Yeah, PeeWee. Listen to PW Sidekick. If it hadn't been for him, we would never have known what to do with that nuke.
In another match, we had a real American genius ...
Bro - Did you just ... you just traded your ark for a gun out of the locker and picked up a f****ing muzzle break instead?!
Random Adult - Hell yeah I did. That ark is a piece of sh**.
Me and Random 2 - (laugh for 3-4 seconds but no comments)
Silence for about 20 seconds
Bro (with one of the most serious tones I've ever heard in his 21 years of life) - Man, you've got to be about the dumbest son of a b***h that ever lived.
Me - (laughing so hard my stomach hurts)
Random 2 - (laughing so hard he falls off the side of the cliff ... we're in the 3rd area of Awakening)
Nightfall, with a team of randoms..
Me: Woah woah, why are you shooting so much during an accuracy challenge?!
Random: Trust me bro, I never mi- *awkward silence as challenge is failed.* Oh cr*p.