Hey, awesome chapter man! Took you a little while but it was well worth the wait to finally see it all glued together. There’s a whole lot of stuff to love here for a Clint and Bobbi fan, I’m not sure which points I wanna hit on first. The fun smartass banter between them, mysterious cave exploration, and surprisingly, the first full-fledged combat scene I’ve seen you write haha.
As usual though awesome job writing Clint and Bobbi! Their dialogue and banter is always half the fun and you always deliver. Ya wrote a ton of great lines and banter from quips about sit ups to Bobbi’s trademark smack talk against her enemy. Also love how well you’re able to showcase their relationship and how well they complement each other. Bobbi’s by the books while Clint’s way of thinking is more outside of the box which explains how they wound up searching the rock in the first place haha. But Clint’s imagination showed him an “arrow” and a pattern while Bobbi just saw a few broken twigs. It’s been pointed out plenty of times before but it’s just further proof of why they make such a good couple haha. They both bring something different to the table and work well off each other.
And of course you know I’m gonna love the Indiana Jones adventure vibes you spread throughout the story, which Bobbi even pointed out herself. It’s a lotta fun seeing Clint and Bobbi going into Tomb Raider mode and I like the cool use of Clint’s specialty arrowheads. I always thought using a flare would be really fun haha. I liked your use of descriptions too, they weren’t too heavy on the creepiness of exploring a cold dark cave since Clint and Bobbi would enjoy it more than fear it but there’s still the eeriness of being in a pitch black and claustrophobic environment which you pointed out in one part where Bobbi was slightly tempted to use the last flare so she wouldn’t have to sit in darkness while Clint was busy squeezing through the wall.
Great job on the fight scene too! Poor Clint got sucker kicked but they were both able to hold their own so long as they could see. The descriptions and actions were nice and direct without getting too wordy and gave it the more intense and frantic feel. Nice work on distinguishing Clint and Bobbi’s fighting styles too. You gave a little foreshadowing to Bobbi’s style earlier with her “taekwondo enhanced balance.” She’s gonna have more of a flashier fighting style with kicks and spins while Clint’s just a headbutt and knuckle brawler haha. So great job on detailing combat and fight moves, I know you spent a while on it. Can’t wait to see what you have in store for the next actions bits.
But anyway, great chapter man. Hopefully it won’t take quite as long before the next chapter is done but I know you’re juggling a bunch of different stories and ideas haha.
(And this is brian from the old forum in case anyone is wondering, old profiles are acting funky I guess)
Hey Brian! Haven’t seen you around here for a while. Welcome back! At first I was thinking – hey look Hawk has gained a new fan (with a very detailed review!) but then you said it was you and it all made sense.
News Lad should be able to help you sort out the issues with your old account if you PM him (or he may have already read your post and could be working on it already, ‘cuz he’s quick like that )
Who the hell is that Mockeye jerk? I don't know any Mockeyes.
Haha, thanks for the review, man! I'm glad you liked all the smartass lines and bantering, it aint Clint and Bobbi without it. I didn't set out to make the chapter about their relationship, but it's awesome that it still comes through and their different approaches.
Its hard to resist the allure of Indiana Jones (At least pre-Crystal Skrull) and you know how I love Tomb raider, aint a surprise those influences came through in writing the cave exploration. I'm glad that it had a balance of creepiness (it is a dark unknown cave, afterall) with the fun of living out Indy/TR fantasies and Clint and Bobbi in general enjoy adventuring. And yeah, I really loved the opportunity to use one of Clint's trick arrows. A flashlight just aint as much fun, haha.
Thanks for the praise on the action scene and that you could see the different fighting styles at work! I wanted to walk the line of Clint and Bobbi showing that they are superior fighters (they are Avengers) while hindering them a little with the darkness, surpise factor, and one of the attackers being armed and making the attackers be credible threats that can hold their own.
Thanks again for the review!
@Rogue - Archery is pretty straight forward so there aren't too many tips I can think of. Mainly, its pulling the string (using back muscles) and aim and fire.
This is the best fan fiction i have ever read and i was wondering if you have any hints that you could give to someone who is considering starting to write his own fan fiction
I'm a fanfic writer myself, I even had the biggest fanfic (in content, not necessarily the best ) on herohq before it went schizoid early in the year, so if you'd like some advice, here's what little I can give to you, ha ha. If you're doing it on an already established property like a comic book or video game series or even a crossover of different franchises like Marvel vs DC, Marvel vs Capcom, Mortal Kombat vs DC, etc, over the years, I'd suggest looking up and researching the characters you want to use. (It doesn't have to be thorough, but just enough). Get a feel for their personality, how they act, what their powers/skills/abilities are, etc.
Add your own spin on them however you want, just make sure you remain true to them, that they don't act out of character. God knows thats the way most people have been complaining about their favorites over the years. Especially if you're a Hawkeye fan! lol Hope that helps, other than that, just try the best you can and don't get discouraged if you mess up, nobody's perfect.
Well, first off, thanks very much for the compliment!
As far as general writing advice goes, before you write anything it helps to come up with an outline of the story you wanna tell. it doesn't have to be too in-depth but a summary of events so you know where you're going so you don't write yourself into a corner or have to stop to figure out what you're doing each chapter. You can just go out and write it.
The other pitfall of a lot of begninning writers is to "undertell" where they don't take time to develop the scenes. You don't wanna just say Clint and Bobbi walked into a cold dark cave, but rather describe the experience. The chill that runs up Bobbi's spine, the claustrophobic blackness bearing down on them, the craggy walls and uneven ground. You don't have to detail everything down to their underwear, but you want enough to put the reader into the scene. There's a a phrase you hear a lot in writing, "Show, don't tell". Don't tell us Bobbi is cold, show us by having her rub her arms and feel the chill go up her spine.
Those are just two very basic tips of writing. I'm not sure of your writing level, but they're things every writer should know so hopefully that's helpful.
It's probably the only fan fiction he's read then, Hawk! haha, just kidding.
But I think Hawk pretty much hit the nail right on the head there. Those are pretty much the two most important things that a lot of new writers don't know. I didn't know 'em a couple years ago when I started writing, but my writing's definitely been improving a lot since I started to do those two things.
Hey, I'll take it, haha.
By the way, it hit me that I haven't remade a new Words and Junk thread with all my other fan fictions so I'll be trying to do that the next few days. I had the layout saved on my computer which is sweet though I gotta figure out the color scheme for it since that didn't get saved. But I finally remembered, haha, and I'll work ta get the other stories back up. I've got a new short story I'm working on too.
Awesome! I was actually just thinking that you don't got a Words and Junk thread here. I wanted to read about Chuck again, the two-time county archery champion! haha, what's the short story about anyways?
@Jad- Haha, hey Jad, how have you been? I'm fine with using a new account though. Looks like they got rid of all the achievement and ranking stuff anyways, not that it was a big deal.
@Hawk- Psh, you'd be lucky to know anyone with a name as cool and sexy as Mockeye
Ah come on, Crystal Skull is a classic! But yeah, I imagine the Indy/Tomb Raider vibes will only get stronger as the story moves forward. Or I should know since I know a bit of the outline haha.
But no problem man, you know I can't keep my mouth shut when Hawk and Mock awesomeness is waved in my face haha.
@MadajBlob- You have excellent taste in writing