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The Brown Recluse *CURRENTLY REVISING*

HeroHQ

Re: The Brown Recluse Fanfic AND Transformers: Battlegrounds fanfic

in reply to christiankid7

That is very good news, kiddo.

Level 75
Likes: 3
Posts: 25723
Registered: ‎12-06-2009

Re: The Brown Recluse Fanfic AND Transformers: Battlegrounds fanfic

in reply to Optimus_prime12

urgh.... all that work relinking everything and it didn't even work

Level 45
Likes: 8
Posts: 8488
Registered: ‎12-03-2012

Re: The Brown Recluse Fanfic AND Transformers: Battlegrounds fanfic

in reply to christiankid7

Just logged on to say that I'm not done with TBR, and there should be something up relatively soon

Level 45
Likes: 8
Posts: 8488
Registered: ‎12-03-2012

Re: The Brown Recluse *CURRENTLY REVISING*

in reply to christiankid7

Another edit is coming pretty soon. Bear with me, Ghosts of HeroHQs past

Level 45
Likes: 8
Posts: 8488
Registered: ‎12-03-2012
Highlighted

Re: The Brown Recluse *CURRENTLY REVISING*

in reply to christiankid7

Good job on the revised issue, CK!  Admittedly, my memory on the original first issue is a bit foggy given it was two years ago, but comparing the second issue to the revised first issue it’s plain your writing has taken some big steps forward.  You’re taking your time to tell the story with more character development, descriptions, and pacing.  Just little stuff like Robert envisioning Jodin crying and the way he treats the other gang members shows more about the character.  It was also really great to see the effects the spider bite has on Jodin and just how quickly and the different ways its changing him.  It helps the reader understand what he’s going through with the spider bite.

You want to continue working on that and try to push yourself further.  Don’t just limit your descriptions to what things visually look like. Think about taste, smell, sounds, hot or cold temperatures, texture, or even like a brand name.  Whether Jodin is eating Lucky Charms or plain cornflakes can tell you a little something about the character, like that he might have a sweet tooth or is health conscious.  It makes the character a little more unique and fully realized than just basic traits like the brunette girl is funny and the tall guy’s a jerk. A really simple writing exercise for this kinda stuff is to just pick any piece of food from the kitchen and see how many ways you can describe it, besides the size and color.  It helps expand your thinking, ya know?

One complaint I have is the gray text on the black background ya have at the end of the issue. It’s just difficult to see and read.  If ya wanna add a bit of color, do that to the issue title or the scene break. Ya don’t wanna discourage someone from reading the issue cause of the text color.

Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012
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