A couple of notes on the commentary... from someone who's trained in broadcasting and watched a lot of commentaries. Don't take this as trolling, just honesty as a a viewer.
1) Voiceover could use some work- There were times in the video when it seemed you were searching for something to talk about, try to really plan your commentary to time up with the video. Watch out for "uhs", and "likes", and other verbal crutches, makes it hard to listen to at times.
2) Good gameplay, show a little more of your personality with it. The gameplay was fine, but the video got a bit monotonous after a while. Inject some of yourself into your videos, thats what the greats do. People watch for more than good gameplay.
3)Research. You had some times in the map where you were talking about game features and suck, but didn't know the details about them. Its hard to find you credible as a source of information when you aren't fully informed about what you are speaking of. Also, again relay more of yourself into it, and less obvious information. For example, we know what the perks do, talk about how you use them and what works for you. We know how the game works, give us some insight into strategies that have helped you.
To be honest, I found the commentary a bit boring, no offense intended. The monotone used and some of the struggling for speech made it difficult for me to listen to. I personally don't watch gameplays just for the video itself, but for some insight and to be entertained.
Just my opinion and my thoughts... best of luck to you and hope you have some success.