I didn't want to believe it, but I've had so many messages from the wonderful folks out there in the CoD community tonight outlining this that it must be true... I am indeed a n00b and/or hacker...
I have therefore come here, genuinely guilt-ridden, to confess my crimes and implore your forgiveness.
1. During a game of Domination on Bootleg, I spent the entire game going between the A flag and the B flag to defend it or recapture it... I made absolutely no effort to press towards C at any point in the game because we pretty much owned A and B all game... I also may have positioned myself on occasion behind a level of cover that made it difficult for my enemies to shoot me, but allowing me to shoot them with my OP MK14 more easily... I may have got rather a lot of kills and the Dominator medal... but my success in this game is tainted by the fact that (as one charming gamer messaged me) I am a dirty F***ing camping n00b
2. I may have quickscoped a few people. It was in the heat of the moment and I thought that by the time I would have pulled out my MP9 I would have been dead... and I really didn't want to die at the time... but I realise that is no excuse and that little boy/girl (I couldn't tell the difference because of the squeaky voice) was right to call me a cheapscoping f@g n00b.
3. I may have looked through my sniper rifle scope for prolonged periods of time before shooting some other snipers who were earnestly attempting to pull of some sort of 720 jumping no-scope trickshot. I honestly didn't realise that using the scope and holding your breath was cheating (I know you probably hear these sorts of excuses all the time, but I'm really really telling the truth here). Of course I'm also a hardscoping p*ssy n00b and had no business interfering in their efforts to demonstrate their 1337ness to their 6 loyal youtube followers.
4. I put the impact proficiency on one of my ARs and used the penetrative powers it bestows upon the weapon to shoot someone through a wall.... which, as you all know is a wall hack (no not a wall bang... a wall hack)... rest assured I've already been reported by the gramatically-challenged citizen who suffered the loss of a precious killstreak because of my heinous act.... all that effort of patiently sitting in the same spot with nothing but a portable radar to keep him company, and his body temperature dangerously low due to the effects of the Assassin perk, spoiled.... he was right to use all those expletives to describe me... and to report me to the proper authorities. The banhammer will no doubt be swift and just.
5. I used the sticks on my controller to aim at and shoot the same player over and over and over again. Apparently the killcam showed that I was not on target for any of these kills... yes I must have been using an aimbot... I swear, I had no knowledge of how this evil aimbot managed to infest my gaming set up, nor do I believe I even possess the understanding of how such things work, but of course, ignorance is no excuse. I do recall that movie Fight Club where the Tyler Durden persona takes over Edward Norton and performs all manner of things that Norton's character is unaware of. Perhaps I am possessed of such an alter-ego in the form of a master hacker who has altered my gaming set up to make up for my inept gaming skills....
I cannot express the relief of baring my sins in front of you all. I beg of you, do not judge me too harshly. I know I have strayed from the righteous CoD path, but my repentence is sincere. I thank you for your time